It's a girl!!!!!

And she's very VERY hairy! fooled ya! I couldn't be happier though...ok, i digress, there are a lot of ways i could be happier but there are also a lot of ways i could be less happy..this is beside the point...the good news is we added a new family member to our household! I apologize for waiting a week to announce her presence but she is just so stinking wonderful! She's a bit hairy, wakes me up way before i want to get up-- to take her potty in the mornings, and loves me unconditionally! Her name is..drum roll please... Princess Beyonce!  She is a mixed mutt (I say mutt lovingly as I would never pick a dog from a breeder..kinda likens to dog prostitution if you ask me..plus I get all emotional when then those same people talk cutting off the lady parts as If one dog because of it's parents is good enough to be allowed to carry new life and another dog because of it's parents should never be allowed to reproduce. I wouldn't like that applied to me nor do I want that forced upon my doggie pal. What can I say, I'm a doggie feminist..or would it be opposite of doggie feminist...I'm pro life and pro choice but the choice must be left up to the dog! hee hee so I guess until she starts calling local vets and comparing prices..and gets a doggie job to pay for her cosmetic surgery she shall remain intact..but thats another blog for another day. I'll spare you)Anyhow..ahem..back the original point..she is a mix of Brittany Spaniel and well whatever kind of dog her daddy was. She is pretty, has longer hair and a beautiful face! Apparently she has been shot in the leg back when she was a free roamer. ( I like to imagine she refers to that time as back in her hippie days...or maybe during her rumspringa! Don't worry ladies, I'll be here all week!) She is approximately 3 years old so I like to tell Frankie that her and Princess Beyonce are twins. She thinks it's cool. Kalel on the other hand points out that Princess Beyonce listens better. LOL she is just one amazing dog. I have heard her bark two times since we were blessed with her presence, she is great with children, she is the most Zen dog ever. (my husband says too relaxed but i like think Princess Beyonce and I are kindred spirits) She is just what I needed just when I needed it! Thank the good Lord! I hope to God I can be as much of a blessing in her life as she has been in mine! It is so wonderful having a little person in your life (furry or not) who encourages you to be active, who helps you develop selflessness, who spurs you on towards caring and kindness, who is there to lend a hairy ear  when you need someone to confide in, who will lick your face and not shy away from a hug when you just needs some love (don't tell my husband this..i dont want him getting any ideas about licking my face when i'm sad or something. haha) She is just great! I dont have to pretend to be someone I'm not, I dont have to live up to her expectations, I can be me and not worry about offending her even when I unload my deepest hopes and dreams. And she is always up for my  Little House on the Prairie or birth movie marathons. If bring snacks she's even more eager! Did I mention she is a girl after my own heart?! LOL  my husband makes fun of me, says I baby her and treat her like a child...ok who am i kidding, i do, and i'm okay with that! :O) She is just a wonderfully dandy dog, womans best friend if you will and I am so very thankful for her! Glad you could meet her!!! May God use her to teach me, to guide me into the woman i should aspire to be more loving, kind, there to help in times of need, peaceful, calm, relaxed, always friendly, always hopeful, and mostly---ALWAYS THERE!

Proverbs 17:7 "A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need."

Of dumpsters and dreams....

Oh I love it when rich people get tired of their rich people things and throw it out! First I question, "what in the world are you thinking?" and then I dance in celebration that at just the right timing someone rich decided to replace something that didn't need replacing and I was there to rescue that beloved (or not so beloved anymore...) item from an untimely death in the landfill! (confession, I am exaggerating here as this item was posted on craigslist so in no way was it making it's way to the landfill but you catch my drift.) For those of you who don't know I am the one who goes garage saling simply to scout the free boxes. I am the one driving slowly by your house if I see a heap out on the curb, I am forever scouring the craigslist free section. I refuse to buy firsthand and think garage sales with items that cost more than a few quarters are OUTRAGEOUSLY priced! Yep, that's me..like it or lump it! That my friends I like to call not cheap but thrifty!  It also is the way I am able to be at home full time spending day in and day out with my wonderful kiddos. Let me let you in on a little secret, even if I didn't have to....even if I had all the riches in the world and could shop catalogs daily and have things mailed to my house and build the biggest mansion in all the countryside..I wouldn't. I love the chase. I love the happenstance. And I love me some used goods. Provided I can really use the previously loved items. (I'm not a fan of mountains of stuff or materialism..hate that. Let me get this clear. NO you may not come check my home..those peices of junk have a purpose! ;) How dare you accuse my art of being a heaping pile of rubbish! I have plans for that.) Okay confession number two: I do have a teensy weensy bit of Grandma Alice in me. But I love her so in turn I do love that about myself. She also collects what others throw out. Did I mention I have always loved that about her?! Scoff if you will but I'm the one who gets the good deals and isn't breaking the bank or takin out a loan and forever making payments for a fleetless (obviously passing, I mean, You are throwing it out!) pleasure.  So anyhow my newest find. Some lovely...let me say it again..LOVELY teal carpet. Enough to cover our whole basement.  It is the most divine color I have seen in my life. The lady who is throwing it out was wonderfully nice and made sure to let us know the condition is wonderful she was just "wanting to change the color of the room." It also comes complete with the padding. Super awesome! And is one big peice not several rooms. (Did i mention FREE?!) Which means in all actuallity this lady's livingroom must be the size of my basement...wowsers! Another perfect thing Is that it will come in handy when we begin building our tiny house. Yep, I said it, we have plans for building a tiny house sometime in the near future. It's been one of those things where you are always thinking and talking about how that would be so fun and you should do it but the brain doesn't process so you are always saying you should but never realizing you actually can and should take steps in that direction. Well, the lightbulb finally went off and we both looked and each other (my husband and I..not my multiple personalities) and said.."well....yeah! we NEED to do that"  Then, of course, we spent the rest of the night planning planning planning, laying out all our dreams pipe, real, and otherwise.  Suddenly romantic songs are playing in our heads and the piles of wood, windows, and other building materials collected in the basement make sense and have a purpose!  Cannot wait to see how this adventure we are on unfolds! It's one of those times where you feel completely blown away. Like God, did you really have this planned.... for me???? You would let me do something so fun and full of purpose? So now starts our journey towards independant living. That meaning us owning our own little peice of land out of town. Not too far but out of town none the less. Where we can live our own little life loving our kids, loving animals, growing our own food, and running our own business of sustenance. The plan being my hubby eventually doing his own puttering and woodworking fulltime and myself I would love to make soaps and candles and sell them at the farmers market. Not to mention use them myself :) And shameless plug, I want goats! A farm isn't complete without goats. So anyhow there you have it..thanks to the lady throwing out the carpet because you have helped to make a dream come true for a little family of six just living in our own little world!

Let it go....

This week I made a wonderful choice for me! A choice I had been contemplating for weeks and weeks...months perhaps. I kept feeling God telling me that NOW is the time but was stubbornly holding on giving him all the excuses I could muster for why I couldn't possibly take that next step. I mean I dug in and got down right creative. I'm sure he had a good laugh at my reasoning but looking back it was utterly ridiculous.  I mean, i couldn't possibly do "that"..how would I stay in touch with far away friends and family? On the other end of the spectrum I was thinking this really would make my life and my journey productive. If my search isn't about pleasing other well then why wouldn't I let go of this one thing that has really REALLY been strapping me down and holding me back from becoming who I am becoming. Why wouldn't or couldn't I take this step. Was I going to fall prey to the same thing that happened when I was urged to starte dreading? Would I seek others opinions first and let their qualms determine my destiny. Could they possibly know more than I what was best for me? Would this be considered second guessing God? Quenching the Spirit. Quite frankly, yes. That is precisely what I would be doing should I let my inner fears and outer influences direct the direction of my decision. I need not their confirmation. What i need is to step in whole heartedly and jump into doing what my feet are determined to do despite my head trying to logic it's way out of it. Let me tell you I feel so so so much more at ease, my head is clear, my mind is fresh, my body is active. My kids are OVERJOYED! They love having mommy back and back full time. What was this big, huge, monumental, life changing step???? I quit facebook. Laugh if you will but rest assured I'm laughing too, because now NOW i am happy!

I'm Not Who You Need Me to Be

I'm not who you thought....

I'm royally tired of living the life..supressing my thoughts, living in the little box other people seem to set me in. I'm ready to shine. I'm warning you..I'm NOT who you need me to be, I'm rarely who you want me to be. I will fail you. I'm not you. I can't be described and I won't be contained. I'm traveling a path to becoming myself and if you would like to join on the journey be prepared. I don't even understand myself so how can you? I'm not who you need me to be. I'm tired of holding in my feelings out of fear of others finding out who I really am. I am woman..hear me roar! I will not sit quiet. In fact I wont even sit still. I don't have all the answers but I'm not traveling this path alone. I don't claim to know who you are or what choice you should make, nor do I care to take that upon myself. I'm no expert. I don't want to be. I want to be me. The me I was created to be. I want to spew out thoughts I have been surpessing for so so long. Watch out and stand back, they won't be what you thought. I'm not afraid to question. I'm not afraid to dig in and work hard. I'm not afraid to let loose and not think at all. I'm not afraid to feel with all of my heart. I'm not afraid to not know. But more importantly I'm not who you need me to be. I'm not heartless, or careless. I'm me. I'm not who you need me to be.....