Let it go....

This week I made a wonderful choice for me! A choice I had been contemplating for weeks and weeks...months perhaps. I kept feeling God telling me that NOW is the time but was stubbornly holding on giving him all the excuses I could muster for why I couldn't possibly take that next step. I mean I dug in and got down right creative. I'm sure he had a good laugh at my reasoning but looking back it was utterly ridiculous.  I mean, i couldn't possibly do "that"..how would I stay in touch with far away friends and family? On the other end of the spectrum I was thinking this really would make my life and my journey productive. If my search isn't about pleasing other well then why wouldn't I let go of this one thing that has really REALLY been strapping me down and holding me back from becoming who I am becoming. Why wouldn't or couldn't I take this step. Was I going to fall prey to the same thing that happened when I was urged to starte dreading? Would I seek others opinions first and let their qualms determine my destiny. Could they possibly know more than I what was best for me? Would this be considered second guessing God? Quenching the Spirit. Quite frankly, yes. That is precisely what I would be doing should I let my inner fears and outer influences direct the direction of my decision. I need not their confirmation. What i need is to step in whole heartedly and jump into doing what my feet are determined to do despite my head trying to logic it's way out of it. Let me tell you I feel so so so much more at ease, my head is clear, my mind is fresh, my body is active. My kids are OVERJOYED! They love having mommy back and back full time. What was this big, huge, monumental, life changing step???? I quit facebook. Laugh if you will but rest assured I'm laughing too, because now NOW i am happy!

I'm Not Who You Need Me to Be

I'm not who you thought....

I'm royally tired of living the life..supressing my thoughts, living in the little box other people seem to set me in. I'm ready to shine. I'm warning you..I'm NOT who you need me to be, I'm rarely who you want me to be. I will fail you. I'm not you. I can't be described and I won't be contained. I'm traveling a path to becoming myself and if you would like to join on the journey be prepared. I don't even understand myself so how can you? I'm not who you need me to be. I'm tired of holding in my feelings out of fear of others finding out who I really am. I am woman..hear me roar! I will not sit quiet. In fact I wont even sit still. I don't have all the answers but I'm not traveling this path alone. I don't claim to know who you are or what choice you should make, nor do I care to take that upon myself. I'm no expert. I don't want to be. I want to be me. The me I was created to be. I want to spew out thoughts I have been surpessing for so so long. Watch out and stand back, they won't be what you thought. I'm not afraid to question. I'm not afraid to dig in and work hard. I'm not afraid to let loose and not think at all. I'm not afraid to feel with all of my heart. I'm not afraid to not know. But more importantly I'm not who you need me to be. I'm not heartless, or careless. I'm me. I'm not who you need me to be.....